


I Need Your Love (Before I Fall)

by indig0_ink



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, These will be updated with each chapter, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 00:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9854657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indig0_ink/pseuds/indig0_ink
Summary: A series of spontaneous Malec drabbles.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So these are drabbles that I write when I'm without my laptop and inspiration hits. The types of fics where I'll just get an idea and have to write it out quickly on my phone while I've still got it fresh in my mind. Therefore, they'll probably be a little raw (and hideously unedited) but I find that my best writing sometimes comes from these sorts of things, so yeah. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Fic title credit goes to Save Me - BTS (https://youtu.be/GZjt_sA2eso)  
> Chapter title credit goes to Dirty Laundry - All Time Low (https://youtu.be/hTwmxiLSD0w - I highly recommend listening to this while you read this chapter, it's what the drabble's based on and makes sense with it!)

(Okay so when I first heard this song (after the initial hoLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING) the first thing that came to mind was Malec. I originally imagined it as one of those awesome song edits you see on youtube, but I'm nowhere near as talented as that so I settled for writing this instead. Heavily inspired by the events of 2x06 and because I'm currently on a train to uni and have classes all day, so watching 2x08 anytime soon is out of the question. Plus I'm kinda putting it off bc angst is not my fav and it's not looking good, so I need something to distract me and what's better than Malec fluff... or at least angst I can control so there's a happy ending?? Also this is way longer than I planned. Oops.)

***

_I know it's not my place, who am I to tell you that you need to change?_

Alec would be lying if he said his boyfriend's past didn't intimidate him slightly. Because, well, seventeen thousand lovers was a lot to live up to, especially when compared to his own pitiful love life. And it's not as if Magnus was a dick about it, that couldn't be farther from the truth. He couldn't count the amount of times the older had reassured him that he didn't care if he'd never been in an actual relationship before. But lying in Magnus' bed, with said boyfriend sleeping soundly next to him, staring at the rich purple canopy over his head, he couldn't seem to expel the toxic thoughts from his mind. He knew he liked Magnus, a lot; if he was being perfectly honest he would even go as far to say he was in love with the warlock. And he hadn't been lying when he said that he didn't care how many people Magnus had been with either. By the angel, he was immortal, at least three centuries old, Alec would be worried if Magnus' relationship history was anywhere near as embarrassing as his own. And maybe that was it. He was embarrassed. Magnus had been so comfortable with him so quickly, shamelessly flirting and making it more than obvious that he was interested in the shadowhunter. Even now they were pretty much official, he would say things that would still have Alec blushing like a schoolgirl. He was experienced, he knew what he wanted, and Alec had no idea how to handle this strange new environment. But he didn't want that to affect how Magnus treated him. He didn't want to be tiptoed around. That was who Magnus was, what made him _Magnus_. Alec huffed, rolling over and closing his eyes defiantly, as if daring sleep to try and evade him any longer. He was being contradictory, confusing himself even. He just wanted these doubts to disappear.

 

_Now here's some honesty: sometimes I trip over your history._

"Camille Belcourt has proven difficult lately." Lydia said.

"Lately? When has that bitch not been a pain in everyone's asses?" Clary scoffed. Alec reminded himself not to be so harsh with her for the foreseeable future (see: until she did something ridiculously reckless that made him regret ever thinking she had common sense).

"Right, well it has come to The Clave's attention that she may be withholding valuable information on a number of illegal vampire lairs around the city. The clan was asked to help persuade her to talk, but after Raphael got nowhere with her, they seem to think somebody else would be able to get something out of her." Lydia looked at him with sympathetic eyes and, oh no, Alec did not like where this was going at all. He'd seen more than enough of that woman for the rest of his existence, thank you very much. Still, he had responsibilities, so he merely sighed, tired enough from thinking too much to sleep last night.

"You want me to ask Magnus." It wasn't a question.

"They would contact him themselves, but it appears he's set up some sort of spell that prevents anything even mentioning her name entering a ten mile radius of him." Well that was new information. Alec blinked, sitting back in his chair slightly. Magnus hadn't mentioned anything about that. Sure, he knew what had happened between them, and after the events at her apartment following the wedding, and the whole 'giving her up to The Clave' incident, it had been clear he wanted nothing more to do with her. But to go this far...

"So sort of like a magical restraining order?" Isabelle's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, I guess so. Alec, I know it's a sensitive subject-"

"No, it's okay." Alec interrupted Lydia. "Orders are orders. I can't promise you anything, but I can try and talk to him about it." He smiled tightly at her, and she nodded gratefully, moving on to the next topic of discussion. It was probably obvious that he hadn't paid attention for the rest of the meeting, and seemed to go through the rest of the day on autopilot, caught up in his thoughts. Nobody mentioned anything, but the looks they sent him said it all.

 

_I don't care about what you did, only care about what we do._

"Alexander?"

"Hmm?"

"I spoke to Isabelle."

"Hmm."

"I think we need to have a conversation."

"Hmm."

"Alec, will you look at me?" Magnus sat down next to him on the bench overlooking the Brooklyn cityscape. He hadn't heard him come in, but he'd been sitting on the balcony for a while now, he supposed, just staring out. Biting his lip, he turned to face Magnus, but refused to look him in the eye. "How long have you been sitting out here?"

"Dunno. Since Izzy told me I needed a break and all but pushed me out the door. S-sorry... I kinda barged in without asking. I can leave if you want..."

"Darling, no. That's not what I meant, and that's also why I changed the wards to let you in whenever, so you don't have to ask if you want to come round." Magnus' voice was gentle, like he was afraid anything more would break him. "But that was three hours ago, Alexander. Aren't you cold, hmm?" The warlock eyed the thin t-shirt and jeans he was wearing worriedly.

"Not really." He shrugged. It'd felt like two minutes since he sat down and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. A numb feeling had overtaken him pretty quickly.

"Alec, you're scaring me. I've never seen you act like this before. What's wrong?"

"Why does there have to be something wrong? Just because I'm not acting like the big, strong shadowhunter I was trained to be, doesn't mean it's not still me!" And Magnus could've cried at how broken he sounded.

"Oh, my dear Alexander. Come here." The older opened his arms, an invitation but also an opportunity to decline. Alec surged forward, wrapping his arms around Magnus' neck and burying his face in his neck. The floodgates opened, and he started sobbing. Harsh, loud, heart-wrenching cries that hurt his throat, but he couldn't stop. He felt strong arms wrap around his waist tightly, and the softest of kisses being pressed into his hair, onto his forehead, anywhere Magnus could reach without disturbing the hold they had on one another. It felt so good to cry, to let somebody see he was vulnerable and know they wouldn't punish him for it. The past twenty four hours crashed down around him and he was tired, so tired, of pretending that everything was fine.

Once his sobs had died down into coughs and sniffles, he let out a few deep breaths against Magnus' collarbone and summoned the courage to look up at him. He wanted to apologise, for showing him how weak he was, for letting his insecurities get the better of him _again_ , for ruining what was probably a very expensive shirt with his tears, but nothing would come out. He just stared, lips parted on the start of a sentence with no direction, and hoped that he hadn't fucked everything up too badly. Magnus removed one hand from its grip on his waist and brought it up to his face, carefully wiping away the wetness on his cheeks before cupping his jaw.

"Thank you." Alec's eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he managed to choke out a reply.

"W-what?"

"Thank you, Alexander. For trusting me enough to let me see you like this. You're right, of course you are, you don't need to be brave all the time. It does you good to share the burden every once in a while." And then Alec was crying again, though he desperately tried not to.

"You're t-too... Too g-good to me... Too good f-for me." Magnus' eyebrows furrowed as Alec spoke. "I c-can't believe you're st-still here... I can't b-believe I let stupid thoughts... My stupid in-insecurities ruin it."

"Insecurities? Darling, I don't know what you're talking about, but I can assure you I'm not going anywhere. I happen to have grown very fond of you, Alexander Lightwood, of everything that you are, big, strong shadowhunter or not."

And Alec once again broke down. He told Magnus everything, from being embarrassed due to lack of experience yet wanting nothing more than to give him everything he thought he wanted, to Camille and The Clave's little dispute, which he didn't think should be bothered by so much, but couldn't help it. "And I d-don't care that she's y-your ex, or at least I shouldn't. I j-just... J-just can't help wondering when you're going to w-wake up one day a-and realise all the things she c-can give you that I can't. You're both im-immortal, she can give you your f-forever, Magnus, I c-can only offer you mine."

"You silly nephilim, I only want yours." Magnus brought both hands to his face this time, to ensure they kept eye contact. "Something like this isn't going to go away overnight, darling, but I'll spend every waking moment telling you until you truly believe me. Please, please don't let Camille and I's dreadful story ruin ours." And he couldn't believe it. This amazing man, with the wrinkled, tear-stained shirt. They had a long way to go still, but this was the best start he could've hoped for. So he simply nodded and scooted closer, leaning his head on Magnus' shoulder and reaching down to interlock their fingers.

_Dirty laundry looks good on you._

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments and all those lovely things are greatly appreciated <3
> 
> Oh and if you maybe have an idea feel free to leave it below, getting ideas from others does wonders to my writer's block :)


End file.
